In my five years experience with motherhood, I have come to terms with interrupted nights. I have learnt to wake up sans grumbling, attend to their needs, whether it be thirst, toilet breaks or simply bad dreams.
I have also made peace with waking up to small petulant faces asking to climb onto my bed. Sometimes I will give in, sometimes I will march them back to their bedrooms.
So it was with a rude shock to hear the kids yell for their nanny one night.
They wanted some water. I should have been relieved, after all it meant uninterrupted nights for me, but surprisingly I felt a little hurt.
Very soon they would be asking her for hugs and cuddlesâŚI would soon be replacedâŚthey would just as well call her mumâŚand so went my train of thoughts.
This happened again and again, and when I came home from work, instead of the usual trailing me around, they would greet me then get back to their activities.
And so I examined a few thingsâŚwas it me, or were they just growing up and not needing me anymore? And that is when I found a pattern.
My work life balance was totally out of sync. I had been taking on more responsibilities at work. I came home tired and late, close to their bedtime. We didnât spend as much time together anymore.
Any time at home was spent on my laptop trying to meet deadlines. And sometimes I would leave them asleep and come home only to kiss them goodnight.
Of course they would attach more to the closest adult lavishing attention on them. So some changes were made:
- Our routine
I have set up a routine. I have to get home in time to chat about their day before dinner time.
This is when I am regaled with stories about who disturbed who, who cried when and what they were up to.
After dinner we read their story booksâŚor rather I dramatically read some fairy tales or conjure up one.
After book time, I help them brush their teeth and it is bedtime. That way I am the one they close their day with. - Phone charging time
When I step into the house, the phone goes on silent mode and to the charging port on the wall.
That way I give my people the time and attention they fully deserve.
Being one attached to my phone every second of the day, it was a little hard at times, itching to check my WhatsApp messages or social media.
But I have realised that two hours later, the messages will still be there or I will have forever lost an opportunity to bond with the kids then. - Work life balance
I recently read something insightful. That no one on their deathbed ever said that they wished they had worked more, but many have regretted their bad relationships with their loved ones.
So now I do as much work as I can while at work. Less loitering and gossiping while in the office so that I can get a lot more done. That ensures that I am fully present when home.
Here is to more attentive, more present parenting. And being the holiday season, create worthy memories that will last a lifetime and make up for the times we canât be present.
Happy holidays.